Last night was a horrible night. M didn’t want to sleep at the same time as me which infuriated me. Then when he came to bed, I got up to pee and when I came back he was laying with his back to me. I fumed. I plotted what cutting things I could say. I stayed completely silent.
Eventually he rolled over in my direction. He gently rested his hand on my side. I screamed in my head “is that the best you can do?”.
Then he pulled me to him. I laid on his shoulder, my back to him, his cheek resting on my hair. Our arms outstretched meant our fingers entwined instinctively. He ran his fingertips across my fingertips. I cried. He kissed the top of my head. I cried some more. I’m not sure if he knew. It’s been boiling inside me for days now, so this was a welcome reprieve.
We spoke softly to each other. It felt like perfection.
After some time, M decided that he wouldn’t sleep without a snack. We got up, he ate, I took some Calms, and we attempted sleep. I started twitching, and not wanting to disturb M, I went into the back room to sleep on the futon. I laid there, I don’t know how long. I got up, surfed the net a little bit, and went to lay back down some time around 3am.
I woke up to a text from my dear friend D, at 6.15am.
h&v
